Logical Explanations
by Galaxy Little
Summary: Medic's pissed off the wrong wizard, and a deadly spell goes wrong. (This is just a small, quick fic to relieve some writing urges. Other fanfics are on the way. Apologies for not updating.)
1. Chapter 1 - Life Reversal

Medic was not in the best of moods today. After battle, when ever anyone asked him for help, he would try to find some excuse not to do so, but always fell short of a few words and slipped into German insults, resolving to help his teammate anyways. Scout figured he was still upset about getting knifed in the back by the enemy Spy, or maybe he was mad about breakfast when he came down to eat and not much was there. There were a number of things to be angry with, especially for a guy like Medic. He could never catch a break, it seemed, and Scout was surprisingly worried.

"Hey Doc!" He greeted him in his usual manner as the battle finished up, passing by in the hallway, "What's up with you?"

"Not now, Scout." Medic grumpily replied with a bit of a harsh tone, pushing off the younger mercenary, "I am in no mood for you today."

"Aw come on, ya gotta tell me what's goin' on!" He hastily followed him around, "What happens when you're the one who needs a medic, Doc? Either way, we're a team!"

"Scout!" Medic turned on heel, bearing down at him with harsh blue eyes, going for for his bonesaw, "Vhen I say I am in no mood, I mean it! Now vould be zhe best time to go avay, before my blade finds your neck."

"Alright, alright, geeze!" Scout stepped back at the word 'blade', glancing down to Medic's hand reaching for it. He hesitated after backing off, then fled back down the hallway to the locker room.

–

Finally at his locker, the Scout rifled through his bag, complaining to himself for being stupid enough to actually give a shit about how Medic was feeling. It wasn't his fault that Medic was feeling shitty, and at least he tried to help! But something about Medic today made him worried, which should be no surprise, seeing as he's usually a creepy and happy-go-lucky madman of a doctor. When he's down, so is the team, but god was he stupid for worrying. No one worries about Medic. No one.

"Something bothering you, petit?" Spy uncloaked near the entrance, the familiar smell of tobacco flooding the air with him. Scout didn't jump; he was too used to his Spy by now. The other Spy was a different story.

"How long have ya been there?" He asked flatly, stopping his movements but not facing his teammate.

"Long enough."

A pause.

"It's just the Doc."

"Ah, yes. I 'ave been witnessing his behavior, and as of late, he appears to be 'aving some trouble...Per'aps it is personal?"

"Since when is anythin' personal with the guy? All he cares about is blood and birds."

"You 'ave a point."

"Anyways," Scout picked up his bag, zipping it closed and strapping it around his back, "I'm gonna head off t'bed. See ya, Frenchie."

"Wait." He stopped him before he made it to the door.

"What is it ya du-"

"Shh! Don't you hear that?"

"Hear wha-"

"Shh...Follow me."

Spy gestured Scout to follow him after he grabbed his bat. He was sure something bad was about to happen, so it was best to be armed. Of course he heard nothing, until they got closer to the source further down the hallway. Spy, arming his pistol, peeked around the corner of an opening that lead to the backyard pathway, but quickly shifted back so he wouldn't be seen.

"Merde." He snarled.

"What? What is it?" Scout curiously leaned forward to get a better listen. He could barely make out the angry grunts of Medic during a battle, but he could sure as hell hear Merasmus' voice over the rest of the noise.

"FOOL! YOUR SCIENTIFIC THEORIES ARE NOTHING BUT THOUGHT! WHAT ARE YOU TO DO WHEN MAGIC IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY EYES!?"

"Zhis is zhe last time ve fight, vizard!" Medic hissed, aiming and firing his syringe gun. Apparently it didn't work, as the sounds of him becoming frustrated and throwing it were heard, "Zhere is alvays a logical explanation for everyzhing!"

"THEN EXPLAIN HOW YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO KILL ME, MAN-OF-SCIENCE!"

"You schtupid ectoplasmic demon! You can't even explain vhy you're repelled by SALT!"

"IT...IT TASTES BAD!"

"Ohh ja, zhat makes sense! It is _because_ you are made of ectoplasm! You are vulnerable to zhe most simple zhings!"

"PROVE IT!"

"_As you vish!_"

A large explosion rumbled, causing the room Scout and Spy stood in to shake, followed by Merasmus' shrill screams. There was a long pause before Scout looked the the Frenchman, and received a nod as if it were ok for them to move forward.

When the two exited the room to the outside, they found Medic collapsed and heavily breathing, surrounded by piles of what looked like salt. Merasmus was swiftly visibly fading into a pile of green sludge, moaning in pain as he lay on the ground.

"Doc! Are you ok?" Scout swiftly rushed to his aid, throwing Medic's arm around his shoulders and standing up.

"Ja...I'm fine...Finally defeated zhat dummkopf...," He was about to chuckle, but was quickly stopped by a pang of sharp pain in his back, gritting his teeth.

"C'mon, man, let's get ya to your medi-gun." The Bostonian turned back, facing the doorway, with Spy waiting for them to move on. Everyone focusing on Medic, no one was aware of Merasmus picking himself back up.

"VITAM VICISSIM!"

"WATCH OUT!" Spy called after Medic.

He had no time to react as the spell made contact with his medipack, thus causing a surge to shoot through him, as well as sending off Scout. Medic screamed, howling in pain, struggling to remove the medipack, shuffling backwards and tripping. He fell on the medipack, causing it to explode in a cloud of red fumes.

His screams were silenced.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Reveal

"Doc!?" Scout coughed, waving away the red-tinted smoke, "Medic, where are you!?"

"Oh mon dieu...," Spy looked towards the center of the field. Scout trotted up to him, half expecting to see a pile of dismembered body parts among the clothes of what used to be Medic, but there was nothing except said clothes and debris from the medipack. Other than that, he was just gone.

"Either Respawn will pick him up, or, worst case scenario...," Spy stood, sneering, "He's trapped in an alternate realm forever, and we may have to get a new Medic."

"Oh come on, it shouldn't be _that _bad...s-should it?" Scout, with a sudden vibe of rage flooding over him, looked towards where Merasmus was, or would have been, and started yelling, "YO, MERASMUS, GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN TEACH YA A LESSON!"

"Scout, yelling will do nothing." The Frenchman reminded him, tugging on his shirt sleeve, "Let's go. We need to check Respawn."

"Ya sure?" He tilted his head to Spy, "What do we do about dat pile a' clothes?"

"Leave it. It's not important."

–

The Engineer was finally called to the scene after a good hour of tinkering with the Respawn machine. Spy knew his way around technology, but only to a certain degree. That limit was the Machine. Everything about it was beyond him, but Engineer obviously knew most of it's working components. He claimed it was simple, but some of the parts he either couldn't see or hadn't recognized them. Either way, he stepped up to it and found out that Medic was still alive and well, and within reach. He was on the base, but no one could find him, as they found out about an hour later of searching.

Everyone gathered in the Respawn room, worried and curious as to where on Earth their Medic could have gone. They checked all the secret passages, all the dorms, even the sewer and yet...nothing.

"Somethin's not right...," The Engineer mumbled to himself, "He's on the base. We checked everywhere. Where else could he possibly be?"

Pyro's muffling complaining and later sobbing was heard.

"Would ya like me to contact headquarters?" Sniper suggested.

"I'd rather not do anythin' that's not immediately necessary." Engie replied.

Demo finally piped up, "Did ye check his clothes?"

Everyone looked to him.

"I'll take tha'as a no."

"What would searching the poor bastard's clothes prove!?" Soldier folded his arms, "He's gone, private. Gone forever."

"No'if ya know where t'look!" Demo's face scrunched up in frustration, "Y'never believe me until it's too late ya bunch a' pansy-brained tossers!"

"Alright fine." Engineer settled him down by agreeing, "We'll go check it out. Y'all stay here. Spy and Scout, show me what happened."

"Alright but yaknow," Scout shrugged, "We checked and there wasn't anythin' dere."

"Technically, we didn't do a thorough check." Spy lit a cigarette, exiting the room, "Follow me, laborer."

With that, Engineer and Scout filed out of the room, leaving everyone else a confused mess of arguments.

–

"Yep." Engie poked at the jacket of the Medic, which was still buttoned up next to his pants, "Looks as flat as a pancake, alright. Either he was turned into an ant or he really is gone-"

"What about his shirt?" Spy asked.

"What about it?" Scout scratched the back of his head.

"It's missing."

"Well," The Southerner lifted the jacket, "I'll be darned. He's right. Why would Medic be runnin' around in just a shirt though?"

"Shh!"

"Aw Spy not this again-," Scout was cut off by another hush.

"I hear something...," Spy's eyes narrowed as his gaze fell upon a nearby boulder. He flicked his blade out, slowly moving towards it, "Stay very quiet."

Scout instinctively grabbed for his bat and Engie unsheathed his Gunslinger. Both were ready for anything, especially if it was Merasmus.

Once Spy got to the boulder, he was greeted with a sharp, high-pitched screaming. It arrived as a surprise to him and he stumbled backwards, allowing a small child to scamper out of the brush from behind the rock. The boy promptly tripped and started crying.

"Hold up...," Scout hesitated, but was the first and the only to speak, "Why is dere a kid here?"

"I...think...," Engie took his goggles off as if to get a better look, "I think...that's Medic..."

"What!? No way!" The runner laughed it off, but then took a serious look at the kid, who was sniffling and attempting to pick up what turned out to be Medic's glasses. He had dark brown hair, all messed up and ruffled, and was indeed wearing Medic's shirt, which was way too big on his scrawny body. Unabashed, Scout walked up to and knelt by the child, who appeared frightened and very, very confused, "Hey, uh...Doc? That you?"

"Wer bist du?" He replied, hugging his knees in a defensive position.

"Holy CHRIST, it IS him! That—That is GERMAN right dere!" Scout shot up to his feet, shocked by the new revelation, "Wh-What are we gonna tell the others!?"

"Ich habe Angst..."

"And what the hell's he sayin'!?"

"I speak, euh—I speak _basic _German...," Spy, actually appearing confused for once, nervously stepped up to what was apparently a really young Medic, "'Allo. Wie heißt du?"

The boy shrunk away from Spy, making a pouting face and hiding behind his knees.

"Eh...Alright...No name, I suppose." Spy searched his memory before returning to reality, "Wie alt bist du?"

The younger Medic looked down to his hands, then lifted up five fingers, indicating his age.

"Okay. Spricht du Englisch?"

He shook his head slowly.

"Only German." Spy concluded, "One last thing. Weißt du, wer wir sind?"

He quickly glanced at each face, then shook his head more quickly this time.

"No idea who we are." He nodded, looking to Scout and Engineer, "Well, what now? 'E is basically useless."

"Oh don't talk like dat, Spy!" Scout removed his hat, kneeling again, "He don't look dangerous, yeah, but dis is _kid-Medic _we're talkin' about! He could tell us all sorts a' things about himself dat he wouldn't before!"

"'Cept his name." Engie didn't take his eyes off of the boy, still shocked by the fact that this had happened to him, "I dunno...It's just weird. Medic is – er – _was _the oldest mercenary on the team."

Scout handed his hat to the young Medic, who took it and tried to get his glasses on straight to see Scout better, but to no avail. The glasses fell crooked constantly, and were way too big for him. He gave up and fumbled with the hat, a bit frustrated.

"My god, he's so tiny he can't even get them glasses to stay in one place!" Scout ended up freaking out a little inside, "Dis is gonna be so awesome."


	3. Chapter 3 - Wunderkind

"Shit, we got battle time in two days!" Scout proclaimed, then was whacked upside the head by Spy.

"Watch your mouth around the child."

"What? He doesn't even understand English!"

"Yeah, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable with him pickin' up the wrong parts." Engineer re-sheathed his Gunslinger and looked to Spy, "Could ya tell him to come with us?"

"Oui." Spy, in somewhat broken German, proceeded to ask Medic to join them. He ended up having to explain where they were going, as well as that he did not know where the poor boy's mother was. After some silence and wringing of Scout's hat, he grabbed Spy's hand, allowing himself to go with them. The dress shirt acted as a quite long night gown, and was so big on him, that he had to pull up the edge a little so he wouldn't trip.

Scout went ahead of the group, checking each room to make sure no one was in them so they wouldn't see what happened to Medic. Engineer stayed behind the group to make sure of the same thing, and Spy paid careful attention to any noises that surrounded them. Once they made it to Medic's Infirmary, they sat him atop the gurney and talked amongst themselves.

"I mean, what do you think we should even do?"

"What ever it is, we have to do it fast."

"Spy's right..."

Bored, Medic couldn't help but stare at the birds. Each looked identical to the others, but he was still able to pick out each one, as indicated when he belted out, "Archie!" He reached his hand up the the bird, making grabby gestures. His huge grin revealed that he he had quite imperfect teeth; a few were missing or just growing in, and he had a gap between his front teeth. Only Scout seemed to take notice of this.

"Man, Medic's really different as a kid...," He muttered, "Spy, ask him what he likes to do for fun."

"Scout, we need to focus on solving this-"

"An' dat'll take what? A few days? How are you supposed to keep a little kid like him entertained? Let him play with knives? I don't think so."

Spy sighed, albeit with a bit more emphasis than usual. He resolved by walking up to Medic and asking him what he likes to do.

"Ich...ah...mag die Vogelbeobachtung. Und Kunst. Manchmal singe ich. Mutter mögen es nicht, dass, obwohl." Medic looks down with embarrassment, picking up and wringing the hat again.

"'E says 'e likes birdwatching and art. Sometimes 'e sings, but 'is mother doesn't like that." The Frenchman crossed his arms, "'Appy now?"

"Dat's kinda sad...But hey!" Scout looked around for some scissors, "Arts and crafts, all right!"

"So," The Engineer rubbed his arm, "Medic ended up this way because of Merasmus and an explosion, yeah?"

"Yes, of course." Spy sighed, "'Ow are we going to turn 'im back? There is no way 'e can help, and 'e is the only one who would know 'ow to."

"Are you insultin' me?"

"Non, not at all. This is just a biological matter. You mostly deal with machines."

"I have eleven PhDs. I'm sure I can manage."

"Ay, I thought this was a thing about spells, not bio-whatever." Scout peeked up from behind Medic's desk, still searching for scissors, and mumbled, "C'mon Doc, ya gotta have somethin'. Ya'd think with all dese blades an' crap, he'd have some scissors..."

"It's gotta be fixed by Respawn, somehow...," Engie put a finger to his chin, tapping repetitively, "I don't think anyone's comfortable puttin' a kid through that, though, so there's gotta be another way..."

"Demo's all about curses, he can probably tell ya a thing or two on how to fix 'im." The runner called from under the desk, successfully locating some scissors, "Aha! Got it!"

"Are you sure letting 'im in on this is the right choice?" Spy put out his cigarette, suddenly remembering that Medic never liked the smell of tobacco. He only remembered because he was currently making a face at Spy for smoking, turning a bit red from holding his breath.

"Bah, Demoman's a good guy. I'm sure he'd understand." The Southern man smirked, walking back to the door to exit, "Y'all take good care of 'im, now! Just wait 'till I get back."

Suddenly silent, Spy and Scout glanced from the double doors back to Medic, who tensed up at the sudden attention. Why were these two men staring at him? What were they even saying to each other? He had so many questions and couldn't think of the right words to get them across, so he just didn't say a thing.

"What's art called again? Coonst?" Scout glanced at Spy. Medic picked up on the word he was trying to say and giggled.

"Kunst." Medic gleefully corrected him, swinging his legs back and forth.

"Alright, den! Coonst it is!"

Medic giggled louder, "Kunst!"

"Well, 'e certainly 'as more patience than 'e normally would." Spy cocked an eyebrow, "I recall when 'e was angry with you for not pronouncing 'über' correctly."

"Oh yeah. Man...," Scout jumps up on the gurney to sit next to the little Medic, "The Doc is all kinds a' weird. Aren't ya, Doc?"

Medic shrunk back again when Scout sat next to him and asked him a question in English. Scout didn't expect a reply, and hopped back down to kneel in front of him.

"How's about we re-introduce ourselves?" Scout took Medic's hand, shaking it, "Sup man, I'm Scout. Oh wait...no English...How do you say 'I am'?"

"Ich bin." Spy replied.

"Okay den." He turned back to Medic, "Ick bin Scout."

Medic full-on laughed aloud, "Du bist schrecklich mit dieses!"

"He says you're terrible at this." Spy chuckles, "The child does not lie."

"Yeah, well, what eva. Go to hell, Spy-"

"Scout!" He put his hands on his hips, "Watch it!"

"Skoht!" The young boy called, arms crossed, fake angry expression on his face.

"Holy Christ." Scout snickered, "That was...that was somethin'. Looks just like he used to!"

"Ich bin der Spy." The Frenchman ignored Scout freaking out on the floor, and gained Medic's attention.

"Ich...bin...," Medic looked around the room, avoiding the use of his name. He must have had something happen at an even earlier age to cause him to prevent himself from using his name now. He became visibly frustrated, but before he could say anything, Spy spoke up.

"Sie sind der Mediziner, oder einfach nur 'Medic'."

"What are ya tellin' him?"

"That 'e is our Medic."

"Oooh! Doc!" Scout perks up, looking back to Medic, "Imma call you 'Doc' ok? It's kinda my thing." He pointed to him, "You. Doc."

Medic pointed to himself, making a very confused expression, "Dohck?"

"Dere ya go! Medic, Doc, same thing!" Scout grinned from ear to ear.

Medic suddenly knew what they were saying, and couldn't help but smile back, "Wenn ich älter, ich will Arzt werden!"

Scout looked to Spy.

"Something about getting older and becoming a doctor."

"Oh my god, this kid is gonna be the death a' me."

The doors opened.

"A'right, a'right, 'm takin' a look at 'im-" Demo, arguing with the Engineer, stopped mid-sentence when he saw the younger Medic – crooked glasses, oversized shirt, messy brown hair, and all.

"Oh, Lord..." he put his hand to his mouth, "Now tha's an issue."


	4. Chapter 4 - Screaming Contests

"Alright, no one panic...," Demoman gestured for everyone to calm down, though no one was overreacting, "I's just a li'l curse...nevermind, i's a real big curse..."

"What do you mean 'curse'?" Spy asked, squinting at the Scot, "Is 'e stuck like this forever?"

"No' quite...," He turned away from the child, "But I'd be wary around 'im. He could only turn back if he passes on th'curse, or gets a wizard to change 'im back. An' I doubt we know any cooperative wizards."

"Great, so he _is _stuck like this." Scout huffed, messing with the scissors, "Boy, I'd know he'd be dyin' t'do experiments if dis happened to someone else." He proceeded to do a crude impression of Medic, "_'Ohoo, vhat a predicament, time to break out ze needles and fire up ze medigun'! _Haha! Right, Doc?"

Medic was confused, and uneasy around the new man.

"He don't even understand me, it's great."

"Listen; Scout, Spy...Why don't you two take care a' Medic for the day. Me n' Demo will look around in here for anythin' that can help." Engie caught the young doctor's glasses slipping down again, and sighed, "An' maybe some temporary glasses for the lil' fella."

"Ay, no problem." Scout shrugged, "He seems easy enough to look after. Whaddya say, Frenchie?"

"Ehh," Spy seemed unnerved, but brushed off his feelings, "Of course."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I ain't happy about workin' with ya, but I'd need someone to look after him while I look for stuff to do, yaknow?" Scout scooped Medic into his arms. For a five-year-old, he was very, very tiny. "Wonder what happened later in his life for him to get so tall as an adult if he's this short as a kid."

"Don't ask questions you wont get the answer to." Spy reminded him, then exited the room, "'Urry up. We do not have many hours left in the day."

Scout trailed after him, careful not to go too fast as the bouncing would upset little Medic, "Right behind ya!"

–

Medic messed with his feet, sitting up on the kitchen table, listening to a frustrated Scout as he attempted to find blank paper. Said Scout soon found out that there was nothing in the kitchen, but luckily, Spy was on his way to the store to pick up some construction paper. Also good news for them, most of the team was in the TV room, distracted by some new episode of Get Smart or something dumb.

"A'ight, Doc." Medic perked up at the sound of his nickname, "Time ta' think...you said you like birdwatchin', but there ain't birds anywhere but your Infirmary. You also like art, but we can't do dat right now...Oh! Right! Singin'!"

Scout trotted around the table to a closet to pull out the record player, sifting through the record collection down below, muttering to himself, "C'mon, Medic, you had to have brought something from Germany...Something you'd recognize...A-HA! THIS looks German!"

Without even attempting to find out what music it was, Scout slid it out and slipped it onto the record player, fiddling with it until he got it to work. The music was German, alright, but for some reason, Medic started to tear up. Maybe there was a reason it was in the closet.

"Hm." Scout listened for a minute to the smooth, easy tone the melody portrayed, being a classical piece with some opera singer, "You're right. It's crap, ain't it?" He couldn't help but wonder why the thing made him cry.

Much to Medic's satisfaction, the record was removed, and he wiped his eyes.

"Let's put on some real music." The Bostonian took out one of his many records, his favorite in fact; a pristine Tom Jones collection. It was rarely played, but did Scout love those songs. He promptly began singing in a terrible voice, dancing around as if he had choreographed the entire thing. Medic cheered up almost instantly, laughing and clapping along.

After a few songs had played, Medic piped down, messing with his glasses once again.

"Mnn...Durstig...," He muttered, hopping off of the table, wobbling a bit to gain balance. He opened the fridge with Scout close behind him.

"Hey, be careful, I don't know what kinda crazy crap the fellas got in here." He warned, forgetting the boy didn't speak english.

"Ooo!" Medic crowed, grabbing a can of Bonk, "Ich will das."

"What? Medic, no." Scout snatched it out of his little hands, "Doc, as much as I hate ta' say dis, it's really not a good idea for you ta' drink it. It's kinda...unhealthy. 'Specially for a kid."

"Aber ich will es!" The German boy's voice rose suddenly, without warning.

"No! I mean—uh...N-Nein!" Scout wondered if that was the right word. He must have been because the little Medic started screaming his head off some incoherent German.

"Oh, you wanna play dat game!?" He closed the refrigerator, "I can do dis all day!" He promptly screamed back, but Medic didn't back down. They eventually got right in each other's faces, howling at each other. Scout had gotten this treatment from his brothers all the time, and he knew how to handle it, at least in the way he did.

Once they were almost ruining each other's ear drums, Scout blew air at Medic's face, stunning him and causing him to stop screaming. He was about to start up again when Scout pulled out a can of Coca-cola, handing it to the boy, and he immediately hushed himself.

"I'm surprised." The runner's countenance appeared impressed, "Usually you'd be chewin' us out for keepin' dis 'unhealthy sludge', or how ever you worded it. Now it's all ya want."

Too busy enjoying the sight of little Medic, Scout was unaware of the presence behind him until there was a tug at his pant leg, and an innocent "Skoht." was heard. He pointed to the figure with a shaky hand as Scout stood and turned to face it.

Turns out, it was the Pyro.


End file.
